Forgiveness, Part Four
Posted: June 28, 2021
In Part 3 of this blog series on forgiveness, we explored the first of the four steps of forgiveness based on The Book of Forgiving by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter Reverend Mpho Tutu. In this post, we will explore extending forgiveness and finding closure.
In a society motivated by logic and reason, we may have difficulty identifying our emotions and sharing them with someone we trust. Many resources exist to help individuals identify their emotions, but a helpful place to start is to scan your body for any sensations and to use an emotions wheel to help clarify what you may be feeling. And always remember: Emotions are temporary, valid, real, and not necessarily factual.
Once you have identified the emotions you feel about the situation needing forgiveness, the authors recommend sharing how you feel with someone you trust. Options for this could be a family member, a therapist, a friend, a support group, or a spiritual figure.
The authors offer the following journaling prompt to explore and metabolize the emotions associated with the story:
The Second Step: Naming the Hurt
After completing the first step of telling the story of the hurt, the authors recommend “naming the hurt”. Whereas telling the story explores the technical details of the story—who was involved, when it occurred, etc.—this step involves facing the feelings associated with the situation. When we have been wronged, we will naturally feel a combination of emotions: anger, fear, sadness, shame, and guilt, to name a few. These emotions are messages from our bodies letting us know our needs and desires. If we can name these emotions and let ourselves move through them, we can have control over the pain instead of letting the emotions control our behaviors.
In a society motivated by logic and reason, we may have difficulty identifying our emotions and sharing them with someone we trust. Many resources exist to help individuals identify their emotions, but a helpful place to start is to scan your body for any sensations and to use an emotions wheel to help clarify what you may be feeling. And always remember: Emotions are temporary, valid, real, and not necessarily factual.
Once you have identified the emotions you feel about the situation needing forgiveness, the authors recommend sharing how you feel with someone you trust. Options for this could be a family member, a therapist, a friend, a support group, or a spiritual figure.
The authors offer the following journaling prompt to explore and metabolize the emotions associated with the story: